Sunday

Hello all,

I worked Thursday and Friday and felt exhausted yesterday. Today I feel better, and was quite social, going to Quaker Meeting, brunch, and will be going to dinner with some friends tonight. Tomorrow I plan to stay home and WRITE WRITE WRITE about my experience, and finally type up the Alicia de Garcia interview! I learned so much, and I don't want it to get pushed aside, so to speak, by other things that are happening in my life here (like work, Pilates teacher training, etc.).

It feels strange to be back ... I miss the community that I became a part of in El Salvador. I don't really have that here. Here my job is much more isolated ... I am a free agent, in a way ... I come into a community center or a school, I teach ESOL class, and I leave. Where I work here, anyway, I have not really been treated as a part of the community, and I have not felt very welcomed.

Where I worked in El Salvador I felt incredibly welcomed and like the people felt that I could be very useful to them, and that I was interesting to them. They also loved to tell me about their country and their work and their experiences, as well as wanting to learn about me. There are members of Alicia de Garcia's family working in both the Comadres office and the Cooperative run by disabled veterans. It really felt like a family, and literally, in part, WAS a family. Then again, I found that sense of inclusiveness and community to be true of many people I met in El Salvador - that people I met on the bus, in my travels around the country, in the neighborhood where I stayed, etc. were very open and more often than not initiated conversations with me and enjoyed talking very much. Often people I did not know invited me to their homes, and if I accepted, fed me (very well) and entertained me for hours! Many different people invited me to stay with them when I return.

Well, here also I live alone, so it is a different feeling than being surrounded by people all the time, as I was in El Salvador. But people in general are different there than here ... I received so many warm smiles on the streets and markets of El Salvador, and here (so typical of New York City - I felt this way when I returned from Vermont as well) it is very hard to get anyone to smile back. Ah, well!

XO
M

Back in Brooklyn

Hey all,

I am home now ... got home at 12am @ JFK last night/early morning, and went to the first day of professional development at my job this morning at 9am in Harlem. Now I am very tired! I plan to post more pictures and blog entries here, so stay tuned!

Marita

Recent activities

Sorry I haven't posted in a while ... I will be flying back to NYC on Wednesday 8/27, and so have been focusing a lot on what I have to/want to get done before I leave here! Yesterday I visited the church in which Archbishop Romero was shot, and I also went to the Museum of the Word and Image (Museo de la Palabara y Imagen) to watch a video of the testimony (oral history) of Rufina Amaya, one of the only survivors of one of the largest massacres here during the war - El Mozote. While there, I also bought a copy of the Salvadoran Peace Accords and the Report of the Truth Commission (in Spanish, of course!) I can't believe I'm going home already!!! : 0 I wish I had another month here! (I really do!)

Today I went with Alicia and 3 of her children, 8 of her grandchildren, and a son-in-law, TO THE BEACH! Yes, the mini-bus was VERY FULL! We had SO MUCH FUN! First, we swam in the ocean, and played ball in the ocean, and then ate delicious fish and danced a bit and sang a bit with a band that came by. After that we went to the pool. The kids were so sweet, and wanted me to swim with them a lot! They were all really into working on their swimming strokes, and wanted me to teach them more ... which I did a little of, to the best of my ability, with my limited Spanish. Then one of our party organized swimming races, which occupied us for between 2-3 hours! So much fun! Now I want to sleep!! (I will be teaching at 7:30 am again tomorrow!)

It is bitter-sweet to leave here! Ah!

Interview with Alicia

Hello all,

Just want to post quickly here to say that today I interviewed Alicia de Garcia, asking questions that I had for her, regarding the founding of the Comadres, what they are doing now, regarding her relationship with God, and many other subjects. It was a very moving experience. She answers questions by telling stories, instead of answering them directly, as I had expected. This is a lovely style, but it takes a bit longer, so she suggested that we can continue tomorrow afternoon. So lovely! (And an honor, for this woman is a very well known, well-connected, and busy human rights worker with a lot of experience, but she seems to have cleared quite a bit of her schedule to make time for me!)

More to follow!

Marita

I spent this weekend in Perquin, Morazan

This weekend I went to Perquin, which was a major guerrilla stronghold during the war. It is in the mountains in the northeast part of the country. Now it is a very safe and beautiful area. I went there to visit the Museum of the Revolution, which was established and is run by ex-guerrillas, to preserve the memory of what happened in the war years, and, as my guide said, "to preserve the memory of what happened in order to avoid it happening again." My guide (whom I hired for $20 for the day) was wonderful - he was a very affable and accessible person. I really enjoyed spending the day with him. He joined the guerrilla movement in 1978, when he was 10 years old, and was a guerrilla until the end of the war in 1992. He was a captain in the guerrilla forces. He is a walking piece of history, and had a lot to teach me. I will definitely write more about this experience later (and post photos I took of Perquin and the museum and my guide!), but later as I just returned to the house and want to get myself ready to teach tomorrow's 7:00 am English class! xo

Photos with the Comadres

This first photo is of Alicia de Garcia (on the left), one of the main founding members of the Comadres and the woman who is there in the office every day and who cooks me lunch every day, standing together with an old friend who has lived in Mexico for a long time but is originally from Germany. She worked with the Comadres during the 1980s (the most dangerous period of their existence), and hadn't seen them in about three years until this past week, which she spent visiting them (and I got the benefit of her English-speaking ability if I didn't understand something, as well as her perspective on the Comadres then and now). This photo was taken last Saturday, when we took a day trip to Suchitoto, a town and region which was a guerrilla stronghold during the war, and now is very picturesque and touristic.

These two pictures are from yesterday, when we had a mini-birthday celebration for the German/Mexican friend who was visiting. From left to right we are (I'm going to use only people's initials, just to be safe): Alicia, D., M. (who works in the office), me, and seated: T. (who works in the office) and D., the son of P.

Reflections on a post-civil war society

Monday to Friday morning I work (teaching English) in a cooperative credit union run by veterans who were disabled in some way in the civil war. The cooperative is made up of people from both sides of the war. They decided that they would be stronger and be more likely to get what they wanted from the government if they worked together. In theory and in practice, it really makes sense and works well. They have gotten a lot of their requests met by the government. Yet on the other hand, there are awkward moments. The reality of this is dawning on me more and more as I work there.

The president of the cooperative is an ex-guerilla, and the guy who drives me to the Comadres office after my class finishes is ex-military. They didn´t tell me that, but I could kind of tell. Today the president of the coop (ex-guerilla) told me that the driver is ex-military. They get along just fine, and work very well together, and share jokes (Salvadoreans are very fond of jokes), etc. Today I was telling the president (let´s call him D.) that I want to go to Perquin to visit the Museum of the Revolution, and learn more about the war, this weekend. D. said, I can tell you about my war experiences if you like. I said yes, of course, I would like that very much, and so he told me a bit about when he enlisted (he was 12) and about living in the mountains and having to eat whatever they could find in order to survive, etc. It was very fascinating. While he was telling me about his experiences, the driver (W.) arrived, and sat down and listened for a minute or two. Then he went out for a bit and came back. That´s when D. told me that W. is ex-military. When W. returned, D. was winding down his story, saying that he thinks it was more of a sacrifice for women to be guerillas, because of menstruation and not having supplies for that, etc. Then he said, "During the war, revolution was the first priority, and family came after that. And now we have family, but we don't have revolution.¨ At that point W. said he didn´t understand, and D. repeated himself. I understood, but W. didn´t understand because he isn´t a revolutionary. It is very interesting for me to realize who I am sitting next to in the car, and who I am teaching English to, and what they put each other through during the war, and now after the signing of the Peace Accords in 1992, what they have been able to achieve by working together. Really food for thought and for reflection upon the human condition!

These conversations of the (early) morning were still on my mind when I sat down with one of the Comadres (P.) later in the morning to do more work on the photo project. She was sorting photos, telling me a bit about each one as she placed them into different piles. She recounted memories of protests, of consciousness-raising meetings in the countryside, of mothers pictured holding protest banners in marches who died never knowing what happened to their children who were disappeared, of young men who lost their minds at the hands of military torturers.

Since we were talking as we sorted the photos, I mentioned the fact that it is very interesting to me that the ex-guerillas and ex-military veterans work together in the cooperative. I mentioned how I thought it must be difficult. P. (and many of the Comadres) has worked closely with the veterans of the cooperative. P. told me that the first time she had to work with ex-military personell, she felt scared. She said she was sweating all over and had to drink glass after glass of water, because all of the testimonies (personal stories) of people who had been severely abused, detained, tortured, etc, plus her own experience of being detained and tortured came flooding through her mind. I asked her if she was angry at all, and she said no, only scared.

I thought, well, yes, this kind of work is part of what is necessary to do, in order to live in peace, after a civil war. P. said that this is part of the reconciliation between both sides. P then told me that sometimes the former military members will ask her, "Why can't we start with a clean slate?" And she said, "Can you bring back my two brothers and my friends? No. Then we cannot erase what happened and have a clean slate." She said the officer said, "Please forgive me for all the terrible things that I have done." P. says that she can forgive but she can never forget.

Briefly, my immediate thoughts on this (because it´s time for dinner now) : It si very difficult to heal this: civil war. There are so many people walking around here with open wounds ... and yet they have to live every day just as everyone else must, because each day comes and goes, doesn't it? The situation of people in this country is enough to make philosophers and poets out of all of us.

Buenas noches. Cuidate mucho! Que le vaya bien!
Marita

Photos of Memorial for Civilians killed in the war

Here are some photos of the Memorial for unarmed non-combatant civilians killed in the Salvadorean civil war. I wrote about my first visit to this monument in this blog in an entry on 08.01.08, if you want to read about it. I took these photos this past Sunday, after attending the "popular mass" in the crypt of the Metropolitan Cathedral in San Salvador, where Monsenor (Archbishop) Romero is enterred. The mass is "the political mass," in the style of Liberation Theology and uses parts of Romero's homilies as a "jumping-off" point. Bueno, here are the pictures, above. I plan to post more later, of the besutiful mural!

Some pictures of my host family's house.

Inside the front wall of my host family's house.
A view of my host family's house from the outside.

We enter through the red door and walk through this beautiful patio to enter the house. The grassy area in the first picture is up the steps at the far end and to the right.
Another view of the patio - the red door is to the right now, and you can see the door to the house just past the window on the left.

A picture of me with my host family

This picture was taken a few days after I got here. From left to right, we are: Carlos (a son who lives here), Bobby (or Bobbito) - the dog - , Reina (the mother), me, and Francisco, the father.

My first day of work here

08.07.08
Today was my first day of work here. I feel different, having worked here. I feel useful; of benefit to society; a part of things; less “alien.” I felt good going to work this morning, in my work clothes. The bus driver asked me if I was going to work and about the kind of work that I do. It felt good that he recognized that I was going to work, and not just a tourist, or a student, as I have been for the past week and a half. I like to feel beneficial to society, useful.

The English class went well, although unfortunately I arrived late because I wasn’t sure about the bus route. Yet the students were very forgiving, as many people are here, of my: Spanish which lacks much yet, lack of knowledge about how to get around, etc. The students already knew some basic phrases, such as, “Good morning,” How are you?” “My name is _________, etc.” Yet they didn’t know much more than that, and some other vocabulary words. So I think that the basic curriculum that I have designed will be good for the class. They were, as are most Salvadoreans, very bright and hard-working. The class is from 7-8 am, so I suppose one would expect them to be!
Afterwards, the man who seems to be the head of the Cooperative Credit Union run by people disabled in the war (where I am giving class) explained to me a bit more about their work (how the process of giving loans works). He mentioned the trip that we are planning to Suchitoto on Saturday, and said that there’s a beautiful lake for swimming, and also a community of ex-guerrillas who have made an area where people can come and learn more about the history of the region, the war, etc. He said it is also a beautiful place for tourists. (Best of both worlds, I guess - history and relaxation together!) I feel so lucky here ... bueno, I am so lucky, in life, in general ... because I was born in the USA, in such financial circumstances as my family has. That is an eternal truth of my life. And that is part of why I want to work to make a better life for the exploited and poor of the world. Because I know that life is unfair; that the world is unfair; and that nations with colonialist/imperialist pasts owe a great debt to those nations and peoples whom they colonized and decimated, and now continue to exploit. “Post-colonial” nations (on both sides) could benefit greatly from an examination of the psychological forces at play, the damage done by the colonial period, and the true effects of “free market” policies on poor countries.

First Day of Work With COMADRES

08.07.08
Today was also my first day of work with the Comadres. It was so amazing! Alicia de Garcia came to pick me up at the Cooperative, and they had someone drive us to the Comadres office. When we got there, Alicia introduced me to “Patti” (who turns out to be one of her daughters). Alicia seems to me to be a person with much humility, because each time she has referred to her children before my meeting them, she has said, “There will be “un muchacho” (a young man) or “una muchacha” (a young woman) at the office,” and no more than this. But when I meet them, I learn that they are her children! This behavior strikes me as very humble. In any case, I met Patti, and she asked if I would like to eat something, because she was fixing breakfast for herself. I was a little hungry, so I agreed, and she fixed me an egg and tortilla, which were really delicious! At this time, Alicia went to pick up an old friend from the airport, which is not far away. After Patti finished cooking, we sat down together, and talked over breakfast. It was very relaxed and friendly. I mentioned the book of the history of the Comadres, which is currently in process, and we talked about that. Patti also told me about the current projects the Comadres are doing. They all wear many hats, I have discovered (as do many people here, in this small country full of strong people). Patti teaches basic literacy (reading and writing) classes at the Comadres office on Sundays, and every two months Patti (who is a nurse) and 3 others teach basic first-aid classes at the office. She, along with others, also visit schools to give talks (charlas) about the role of women in Salvadorean society before, during and after the war. And, of course, they still continue to receive delegations (visiting groups) at their office, to whom they recount their experiences (testimonios).

Patti also told me about a trauma-healing project that they are doing with women whose family members where disappeared or killed during the war. A female psychologist from Spain initiated the project. She had visited El Salvador (and the Comadres) before the war, and was very impressed. After the war she called up the Comadres and said that she was now a licensed psychologist and wanted to help women with their healing process after the war. The work is that of slowly talking about and processing what happened during the war. There are three groups. The first consists of 76 women, the second of 65 women, and the third of 46 women. They have determined that it is best to do this work in large groups, because it is a collective memory that so many share, and it is best to process it together. Patti said that the psychologist is working with the first group and that Patti works with the second and third groups, because they cannot afford to pay the psychologist more than they are already paying for the first group. The cost is $150 a month. She said they need to raise more money for this work. I would love to know more about the process of what they are doing. Patti said that the women participating in the group don’t want any foreigners or men involved at all. I guess if I want to know more, I’ll just have to ask Patti to tell me more. In any case, it is extremely important work, and I am glad it is being done.

After telling me about the Comadres’ projects, Patti told me a little of her own story of being detained twice and tortured. She told me that a delegation came from the United States during the time of her detention, including one congressperson. The congressperson left their card with the Comadres. When the card was found, the Comadres called the congressperson and asked for help in Patti’s case. Patti said that she was sure she was about to be killed just minutes before she was released from the hands of her torturers into a regular women’s prison. She said that if it weren’t for the pressure from the congressperson and the people he or she organized, she thinks she would have died. Just minutes before she was released, she was in a room that she perceived as the waiting room to be assassinated, because the floor was covered with blood. She was blindfolded, and heard a sound like a saw start, and then stop, because orders had come to spare her life because of pressure from the congressperson and those he or she had organized.

(I suspect that Patti is the daughter that Alicia told us about - who had her fingernails pulled out, etc.) She is beautiful, maybe forty. She must have been very young when this happened - in her twenties, perhaps. She is very beautiful and calm; well dressed in a lovely, simple black-and white printed shirt. She has a lovely, very calm and competent way about her - again, a very, very strong person. In this family the members refer to their strength very matter-of-factly. And why shouldn’t they? It is simply a part of their survival - a part of the everyday reality here in El Salvador. As one of my teachers here said, the vast majority of people here don’t live; they survive (hand-to-mouth, or, as they say here, “coyol quebrado, coyol comido”).

After that, Alicia arrived with an old friend who is a translator by profession, German by birth, and has lived in Mexico for more than 30 years. Her name is Dorotea. Today was a day of reunions and so we didn’t do any work with the photographs, but that was just as well. I so enjoyed seeing everyone so happy and laughing, remembering old times and enjoying each others’ company after the passage of much time. I helped Alicia prepare lunch (delicious hamburger patties prepared with minced potato, onion and garlic, black pepper, ginger and eggs). Dorotea worked with the Comadres for three or four years during a time when their work was extremely active and the office was crowded with people. She said that she has a photo at home of Alicia and another woman in pajamas, working in the night with stacks of papers on their desks. Alicia smiled (she has a lovely smile) and said that yes, it was always like that back then; with so many (un monton de) papers and the office full of people. It was great for me to be there and to have the chance to hear them reminisce, because it provided me with a window through which to view a bit of the past, of the history of Comadres. My introductory day with the Comadres couldn’t have been better!

One of Alicia’s sons stopped by with a friend (companera) from work (as I understood). He apparently works for an office for the protection of human rights set up by the government after the signing of the Peace Accords in 1992. Yet, the companera explained, the office doesn’t do much to really protect the human rights of people in El Salvador. It is simply a functionary of the government, she explained, like the position of “ombudsman,” the office is like a nod in the direction of human rights by the government, but nothing more. The gathered group lamented the fact that the person selected for the post is selected by the Assembly, and isn’t independent of government selection. Alicia had shown me earlier a flier detailing the assassination only two years ago of an older couple who were the parents of one of the main operators of Radio Vinceremos, the radio station of the resistance movement during the years of the war. When they were living in the mountains, the guerrillas operated a very well-run and consistent radio program to give news of their progress, messages of hope, etc. The flier stated that the investigation of their deaths had been falsified from the beginning. The flier was for a forum regarding the protection of human rights in Central America, and was in the Salvadorean town of Suchitoto. It also carried a description of the cases of people who had been detained in Suchitoto during a protest against water privatization. The protesters had been detained using charges of “terrorism,” using a new law modeled after anti-terrorism law in the United States, post 9-11. From what I understood from the flier, there are still people detained from this protest, which was in 2007. The flier was for a forum that took place on July 2 of this year. There is obviously still a lot of work to be done in El Salvador in the area of securing and maintaining the protection of human rights!

Several times, when I was there in the office of the Comadres, I almost couldn’t believe I was there, in this place which I remembered in my distant memory; which had become like an icon in my mind of a beacon to follow, to be the best person I could be. It was amazing to be there ... to be sitting there in the office discussing torture and disappearances and human rights forums; sitting in the same office I had sat in thirteen years ago; to be sitting in an office that I had longed to return to for thirteen years. Yet these realizations only came and went in quick flashes, and I that I was thankful for, because I was very present. I sat and was present. I was present with all of my being, and present with my poor Spanish. I helped Alicia cook lunch, and I made as much conversation as I could, including plenty of small talk, because I know that once I warm up in Spanish by talking about 5 or 10 minutes, my Spanish starts to flow more easily. All in all, it was a great experience. We were all present and all united in the same concerns and desires and this created a feeling of camaraderie that I expect will grow. After all, this was only my first day. I feel so thankful that there are fifteen or sixteen more days to go!!! Que suerte!

Update on my activities

On Thursday I will start teaching English from 7-8 am to a group of about 10 people who were injured/disabled in the civil war here. They run a credit union cooperative and the cooperative is made up of people from both the army and guerrilla (revolutionary) sides of the war. I will teach for them for only 1 hour a day, which is a huge challenge for me, because I've never taught so short a class before (only 3-hour classes!!) and afterwards, I will go to the Comadres office to help them with a project they are doing with their photos, arranging them in appropriate order in new photo albums. There is a young woman (around my age, perhaps?) doing it already, and I will be helping her, from about 8:30 - 11:30 am. After that, it seems that I will be free, to study Spanish, to study anatomy, to explore El Salvador, etc. Well, we shall see what happens!

Bueno!

My second day of class here

07.29.08

This post is about my second day of school in El Salvador, on Tuesday, 7/29/08. We had Spanish class again this morning, talking a little bit about the turtles in our teacher’s garden (he says that pomegranate trees are extremely common here) and about the kinds of tea we all drank this morning. (2 green teas and the teacher had te de hierba buena, which he grows in his garden at home. I should say here that yesterday our class had only 3 students and today we had two, so you can have a better picture of the situation. It is wonderful to get such individualized attention. After reviewing some grammar exercises, our teacher told us that we would watch a video today. Then he began to explain about the video. He spoke about world trade organizations and other organizations that are involved in giving money to countries such as El Salvador, including the IMF, World Bank, international development agencies, USAID, etc. He explained that he worked for the national telecommunications company of El Salvador for (15 years?). He was (the general secretary?) and very involved in the union. During the 12 year civil war here, unions were one of the most persecuted groups. Our teacher was detained and tortured (he has a large scar that looks like it was a terrible burn, on his right forearm.) He said that now, after the war has ended and the peace accords signed in 1995, there is a “blacklist” with names of people who were involved in unions and other groups who resisted the repression during the war, and that those people cannot find work in the government or other professional work in El Salvador now.

Main points of learning from today:

- Profesor W. told a story about 2 fellow union members who were killed during the war - one taken in the night from her bed, and the other in a “car accident,” in which the police said that the man was very drunk (a report from police and judge said this), but our teacher knew that this man never, ever touched alcohol.

- Also he told about a recent case of a man who was an organizer in a textile union (UNITE) in the USA, who was of Salvadorean origin, and who came to El Salvador to conduct union business, but decided to visit his family members in a rural area. He was killed while he was there. The police did a report and said that it was a common robbery by a thug, trying to steal his camera but he didn’t want to give it up. His family doesn’t beleive this. Two private investigators were sent by the union to research the case, and they found that it was foul play.

- Mr. W. repeated what our host father, our teacher yesterday, and so many people have been saying: that the government of El Salvador sends out a lot of propaganda about social and infrastructural development and about a good quality of life, and peace, etc., but that it isn’t true. There still exists a lot of repression and free speech is something dangerous. He mentioned that there are still death squads that repress people who think differently from the government and try to organize to make a better life. Many people don’t use their real names.

My impressions of El Salvador after one week

08.02.08

I want to give my impressions of El Salvador after one week. El Salvador is a complicated place. On one hand, repression still exists, and it is literally dangerous to be a leftist organizer or member of a leftist organization here. Yet on the other hand, many people are on the left (my impression is that most people in El Salvador are), and one of the two main political parties is the former armed revolutionary group, the FMLN, which seems to at this point have more popular support than the party which is currently in power, ARENA.

There are extremes of poverty and wealth, as there always have been, and the war doesn’t seem to have achieved much in terms of getting the things that the people took up arms for, such as an end to unequal distribution of land and wealth, an end to crushing poverty, access to education and health care for all, freedom of speech and a truly democratic political process.

The current government issues a lot of propaganda that presents El Salvador as a beautiful, prosperous place, which is experiencing economic and social progress; a place in which everyone can achieve their dreams and live a comfortable life. The people I have talked with here say that people who are uneducated and ignorant believe the propaganda, because they don’t know any better, and (I think), because it is comforting to believe in the idea that you can have a better life without doing much to get it yourself ... it is a nice idea that the government will simply take care of you ... it gives one hope, without having to work to understand the situation or to have to work for change. This kind of thinking is prevalent in many countries, including the United States.

There is a culture of paranoia and terror that is always present in El Salvador, on the sides of both the government and the people. The government is afraid that the people will rise up and rebel and the people are afraid that the government will repress them brutally as it had done so many times before (and continues to do). This is a result of a history of repression of the poor by the wealthy and a tradition of resistance, organizing and uprising from the poor.

As I mentioned above, the civil war doesn’t seem to have achieved the changes the people in the FMLN fought for, and which the leaders of the peaceful resistance movements (such as union leaders, etc.) struggled for. There is still an enormous amount of poverty and grossly unequal distribution of wealth. Many people do not have access to basic resources such as health care and education, and the current government is not addressing these problems. Thankfully, the FMLN political party has the majority of popular support at this moment, and presidential elections are coming up in March 2009.

Yesterday, one of our teachers thought aloud ominously, saying, “Well, the same issues still aren’t resolved in our country ... and these things seem to go in cycles here. In 1932 there was an uprising. And then again 30 years later, in the 1960s, things started boiling up again, and now it’s almost 30 years later and the FMLN have a lot of popular support ... well, no, since the Peace Accords of 1992, it’s been almost 17 years ... well, we will see what happens in another 13 years ... the same issues are still unresolved ...” I imagine that there are probably a lot of people in El Salvador who feel as our teacher does. Her internal dialogue expressed the impression that I get of El Salvador’s history: That this country has a history of popular uprisings motivated by the same issues, and an equal history of repression. It does feel cyclical ... and that is a phenomenon that is reflective of the refusal of the people of this country to stop demanding what they need to have a dignified life, and also reflective of the continuing refusal of the people who have power in this country to recognize or respond to the needs and basic rights of the people.

Therefore, a culture of paranoia and an undercurrent of terror still exist ... a paranoia on both sides that an open conflict could start at any time. The paranoia on the side of those in power manifests itself in extreme (and often clandestine) repression of the people whenever the instruments of the left (unions, education, their political parties) grow stronger with popular support. Therefore, the musings of our teacher make a lot of sense, because the political party of the left (the former revolutionary party) the FMLN, is strong right now, and a presidential election is approaching. Ella tiene razon. She has reason (to think those thoughts).

Visit to Civilian Memorial Monument yesterday

I have a few minutes and I wanted to post a little bit to update you on what I{ve been doing. Yesterday we went to see the memorial wall built to comemorate the civilians who were killed during the civil war. These were people who did not take up arms, but were suspected of subversive activities. It was an amazing experience to see the names of all the people who were killed and disappeared, including children. Although I came here to work with the Mothers of the Disappeared and have seen the numbers associated with the deaths and disappeared, to walk past wall after wall of names left me slack'jawed in horror. There is a beautiful mural as part of the memorial as well. The memorial was recommended by the UN after the Truth and Reconciliation Commission was conducted here, but the government refused to pay for it, so organizations of citizens banded together to get it built. The wall on which the names are inscribed is reminicent of the Vietnam Memorial constructed in DC.

Our guide explained that having a memorial that people can visit is extremely important in El Salvador because it is part of Salvadorean culture to visit a gravesite 5 to 6 times a year. Therefore, this site is extremely important for people whose family members and friends were disappeared, because although they do not have the bodies of their loved ones, they have this place they can visit to remember, to cry, to pray, etc. There are 26,000 names currently inscribed on the wall, and about 4,000 left to be documented before they can be added. The process of documentation is difficult to execute, because it involves a lot of paperwork and the government of El Salvador does not want people to investigate these cases. They say that it is [opening old wounds,[ but the people affected say that the wounds aren{t closed. The government says to [forgive and forget* and the people say that they can forgive but they cannot forget, until they know what happened, or have their loved ones{ names added to the wall. This is an ongoing struggle for recognition and rememberance and it is a major part of the work that the Comadres continue to do.

Our guide also said that the governemnts of all of the other countries that have had disappearances and persecution of the type in El Salvador have given formal apologies, including the Pope, but the government of El Salvador continues to refuse to do so.